2something am thoughts are rarely profound, not really. They just seem profound in the dark, when you can’t sleep, when you’re sure that your roof is leaking (even though you already checked when you got up to go to the bathroom…twice), when you’re positive that your week couldn’t get any worse yet, there you are at 2something am not sleeping. Still, I’m going to try to turn my 2something am thoughts into something useful mostly because they’re the same thoughts that I’ve been having regularly throughout my work day for quite a while now.
Yesterday was my third anniversary at my current job. That’s saying something in a profession where the attitude runs less toward loyalty and building something lasting and more along the lines of “if your job isn’t interesting or fulfilling leave it and go somewhere else.” It’s also saying something given that I work at possibly the most disfunctional non-profit in existence. Take, for example, the conversation I had this week with our Development director.
Most non-profits get the bulk of their donations during the fourth quarter of the year, and out of the fourth quarter December is the most lucrative giving month. Even so, it’s a good idea to sort of warm up your donors, especially if you haven’t been running regular online fundraising campaigns. This week my .org sent one of those warm up fundraising e-mails but it almost didn’t happen. Why? Because all of our senior managers refuse to believe that they have the power to make decisions.
We’re talking about people with 15 or 20 years experience in non-profit advocacy, people who are making, compared to the rest of the staff, a ton of money expressly because they are supposed to take responsibility. Yet, the conversation I had with the Development person in charge of this mailing went like this:
DevelopmentGuy: Why did you make this come from BigBoss not from CampaignsLady and PolicyGuy like I asked?
Me: Because in the entire time I’ve been here PolicyGuy has never been on an e-mail to supporters and a fundraising appeal isn’t a good time to introduce a new person to them. We can put CampaignsLady’s name on it if you want.
DevelopmentGuy: No, this is fine but if we’re going to have BigBoss’ name on we have to stop the clock so he can review it first.
Me: No, we don’t. BigBoss trusts us to do our jobs. You’re DevelopmentGuy and I’m the WebGeek, if we think this is a good appeal our judgement should be enough.
Now, to give him some credit, he’s worked at the place nearly 20 years and the previous head honcho was the kind of micro manager who if an e-mail went out under his name that he hadn’t approved you would catch hell for it. Still, BigBoss has been around for about three years now and you can use founder’s syndrome as an excuse for only so long. But all of this only adds to my perhaps not so profound but nevertheless persistent 2something am thought which is:
I have “don’t” fatigue.
Part of the reason the environmental movement in this country is losing ground is because it has become a haven for what the late William Safire referred to as “nattering nabobs of negativism.” Oh, Communications people in environmental organizations do their best to couch the “dont’s” as “instead of”-s so they sound more positive but no matter how many times you say “switch to CFLs because it’s better for the planet” it will still come off sounding like “you’re using the wrong lightbulbs you selfish fucker and if you don’t stop it your children are going to have to live in Road Warrior like squalor competing with packs of stray dogs for scraps and hoping the water doesn’t give them cancer.”
Perhaps I use just a bit of hyperbole but how is it possible not to feel like we’re constantly being told that what we do is wrong when environmental organizations are sending out tweets like “Is blow-drying your hair bad for the earth?”
And the thing of it is, that in order to make these messages even vaguely palatable, environmental groups have had to so compromise what they really want, and what really needs to be done to ameliorate humanity’s destructive self-indulgence that the options they present are like…doing something really hard in the stupidest way possible.
It’s not just environmental groups, though, that are “don’t”-ing us into complete and utter apathy:
- You’re not a real feminist if you aren’t constantly on the alert for subtle or overt sexism, always taking the time to educate (largely men) about the ways in which women face discrimination in all aspects of life. And yes, we do, but can’t I just eat my damn burrito and not wonder if the burrito cart guy is paying the woman who runs his other cart as much as he’s paying himself? And no, I don’t think Roman Polanski should get a pass; he did, after all, drug and rape a 13 year-old girl, but my life is busy enough that I’m not going to get all exercised about what happens to him.
- And I’m a bad queer too because I frankly don’t give a fuck if society accepts me or not. I made a choice a long time ago to live my life in a way that is true to who I am rather than in a way that is acceptable to mainstream society. And while I do not believe that making that choice should cost me my life or my job or my housing, I was under no illusions when I made it that doing so would make my life easier. Don’t ask me to support this obsequious courting of approval from mainstream society that passes for politics in the lgbtqia community as expressed by the gay marriage fight.
- Have I mentioned that I eat meat? Yes, I know. I shouldn’t. It’s bad for the planet. It’s bad for my body. Our industrial farming complex treats animals in a way that is tantamount to torture and increases the chances of disease and contamination that will ultimately make their meat unsafe. But I can’t give it up completely. I’m not quite at the “I’ll be a vegetarian when bacon grows on trees” stage, but I can’t really see cutting down to less than the 8 to 12 ouces of meat a week I consume. It’s like going down to non-fat milk, I just can’t do it. Wait, I’m not supposed to be drinking milk either?
- You are getting 30 minutes of cardiovascular, plus additional weight bearing, exercise a day, aren’t you? And what about your supplements, are you taking those? Ginko for your memory…except maybe not. Calicum plus vitamin d for your bone health…except maybe not. Zinc is supposed to do something, right, but only if you aren’t squirting it up your nose to try to prevent colds, then it kills your sense of smell. Oh, and don’t forget about your flu shots. Yes, that’s two this year. The public announcements in the subway about making sure you cover your nose and mouth when you cough or sneeze are a sure sign that “they” are too involved in my private life. I’m just waiting for government approved feminine hygiene products. That ought to be a laugh.
Get more exercise, get good grades, get enough sleep, pull up your pants, find a job, tithe, vote, volunteer. All of these shoulds are really just a way of saying “you aren’t doing what you’re supposed to be doing.” Is it any wonder people get cranky as they get older? Is it any wonder old people are prickly, having survived their generation’s version of all these messages and now some random orderly wants to call them Beverly instead of Ms. Smith?
No, the 2something am thoughts are not all that profound, or complete, but I am left wondering if Ricky Nelson didn’t give us some good advice in the early 1970s:
But it’s all right now
I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone
So ya got to please yourself
– Garden Party by Ricky Nelson
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