Terror isn’t wondering if some religious fanatic is going to hijack a plane and randomly blow up a building. It isn’t wondering if the dead animal beside the road is really camouflage for an improvised explosive device. And terror certainly isn’t some mythical cache of weapons of mass destruction that may or may not have at some point in the past actually existed.
No, terror is none of these things.
Terror is being suddenly and randomly so afraid that you lose gross motor control, your legs and hand shaking uncontrollably. It is becoming instantly convinced that you will never be able to leave your house again, nor will you be able to hold down solid food. You will lose your job because of all this and your life will completely disintegrate.
Terror is having your brain chemistry change that much in response to accumulated stresses that individually you would be able to handle.
For me it starts as a shiver, and then my body temperature changes as some how, impossibly, my core temperature drops while my facial temperature rises. Then the fear takes hold. Sounds get louder, sharper, and the ability to focus my eyes all but disappears as they dart from thing to thing without lingering too long in one place in typical prey behavior.
Terror is all of these things but what is most horrible is not knowing what will cause all of this to happen again.
I had the worst anxiety attack I’ve had in nearly 20 years last Wednesday. It wasn’t pretty.
Sometimes putting something cold on the back of my neck and breathing consciously helps, but not this time. This time the only thing that even vaguely approximated helping was the sound of a friendly voice.
I went to work today, spent a whole day there, interacted with my coworkers, and felt relatively normal. Given that less than a week ago I was, in fact, convinced that I’d never be able to open my front door again, I think I’m doing pretty good.
I am glad your feeling better. I’ve never had a panic attack so i can’t begain to imagine how scary it must feel. be safe and well.
ps hows the weather up there 😉 we got a few snowflakes down here.
I’m glad that you’re feeling better. I’ve only had fairly minor panic attacks, and those were bad enough.
Wow – fine description, horrible experience! I hope this was the last for another 20 years – or 60.
Wow. Sounds like a truly horrific experience. I’m just glad that you were able to get through the worst of it, and were able to go to work and have a relatively normal day. And I agree with Susan … hope this is the last one for 20 or more years.
Oh my…I am glad you were back at work and feeling like you were on the road to feeling whole again. What a horrible place to be.
Several years ago I started having what I thought were panic attacks..turns out they were blood pressure related..and not panic attacks at all.
I’m just glad you are here…..
STB
Wow^2. Anything we can do to help?
Panic attacks are horrible experiences, I hope you continue to feel better now that the worst is over.