Exit row seating and nickel slots: notes from a weekend in Las Vegas

With the week-long February vacation to some place warm precluded by the fact that I have zero vacation days until April, this year’s late-winter amusement was a long weekend in Sin City (aka: Las Vegas). It may not be gonzo journalism (a moment of silence for Mr. Hunter S. Thompson’s passing), my impressions of America’s adult playground in the desert.

• What is the most important thing for you to know when you’re in an airport but have absolutely no way to find out? Yes, that’s right, I dare you to find a clock in an airport.
• Despite what the idiots at the metal detectors say, you are not required to remove your shoes when going through security. Until they change the rules, waste their resources and make them wand you. I got the TSA lady to laugh.
• Airports in the midwest just plain suck: they don’t have any windows or amenities.
• To the Depaul women’s basketball team: I thought you’d be taller.
• Always arrive in Las Vegas at night when the city is at its most impressive. During the day it just has to work too hard to look good.
• First Elvis sighting: 10pm Thursday night before we’d even checked into the hotel.
• Second Elvis sighting: about five minutes later and we still hadn’t checked in yet.
• The Bellagio fountains should never be choreographed to anything but American standards, classical music, or opera.
• You’re only a 24 hour town if I can get breakfast at 7:30am. I shouldn’t have to wait until 10am for my eggs and toast, people!
• It frightens me that Celine Dion is someone’s mother.
• Not as much as the bust of Zigfried and Roy and the tiger that looks like bronze but is really plastic.
• In every casino you can smell the one guy who is smoking a cigar.
• Cirque Du Soliel is incredibly French in a very strange, makes you want to back away slowly sort of way.
• Perhaps I’m jaded from too much time in gay bars but it seems to me that what passes for shocking displays of sensuality for middle America is pretty damn tame given what’s out there.
• It’s just amazing what can be done with poured concrete.
• Who brings a 10 year old to Las Vegas? What, exactly, is the poor kid supposed to do while Mom and Dad are gambling and sucking down free drinks?
• Third Elvis sighting: Saturday morning, about 10am.
• It is possible to spend $200 on dinner for two and have it be worth every single penny.
• Despite the light show, Freemont Street would probably be neater if they hadn’t put that canopy over it.
• Hunter Thompson was right about Circus Circus. That’s one scary clown at night.
• It’s just amazing what you can do with poured concrete.
• Hey, American Airlines? You have an 8am flight from Las Vegas to Dallas. This means get the plane out of remote storage before 7:30, OK?
• Beef jerky and pretzels do not a lunch make.
• There’s no bed like your own.

Check out the photoblog for my photo-obsessed take on the Las Vegas strip.