I admit up front that my knowledge of the Spiderman universe surpasses stickler and borders on fangirl which is why I was wary of Hollywood’s attempt to bring a character as complicated as the web slinger to the screen two years ago. I went, though, like legions of others and was pleasantly surprised that the corporate minds of the movie business hadn’t managed to screw up the mythology or to dumb down into non-existence the existential nature of Spidey’s inner conflicts. That’s why I walked into Spiderman 2 prepared for a juicy bit of smart entertainment. I was sadly disappointed.
Despite Entertainment Weekly’s grade of A for Spiderman 2, the film I saw included dialogue so badly written it would have gotten any beginning screenwriter a D- and an admonishment that human beings rarely say exactly what they’re thinking delivered by actors who looked so bored that in the numerous close-ups of Tobey Maguire Peter Parker looked more like a guy trying to figure out where he’d left his car keys than a young man struggling with the existential conflict between his desires and what he perceives to be his responsibilities.
Kirsten Dunst (Mary-Jane Watson) played her part as if it were an annoyance to be showing up for work each day. James Franco (Harry Osborne) is possibly the worst rich-friend-of-a-struggling-middle-class-kid in the history of movies; after all, if Harry cares so much about Peter’s Aunt May, why is she having so many financial problems? And despite an inspired rendering of Doc Ock’s mechanical arms and a very sly Shiva, bringer of death visual, Alfred Molina’s performance as a villain stood out only because the rest of the film’s performances were so dreary.
For these factors, for simply ignoring canon (can we say Gwen Stacy?), and for the fact that movies are too damn expensive to be this disappointing, I’m giving this 1 popcorn out of a possible 5.
