There’s a lot going on at my office. We’ve got yet another “all hands on deck” event coming down the pipe. We’re blowing money right and left to bring together a “global team” to fight what is, essentially, a U.S. civil liberties battle. At today’s staff meeting a friend and I determined that everything that Management says can be summed up by the following three statements:
- This is very, very important and we must all work together toward a common goal that is sort of vaguely defined right now.
- I’m very clever.
- Everything I’ve said is going to involve a lot of work. I will not be doing any of that work. Here is who will.
Cynical? Perhaps. Accurate? Most definitely. A good way to run an organization? I think not.
The Corrollary Principles
My friend Dev rightly points out several corrollary statements implied by the three principles of Management communication:
- This is very, very important and we all need to work together toward a common goal which is vaguely defined right now and we’ll get back to you soon with more details.
Also implied: “But, if you don’t manage to fulfill these very woolly goals, we’ll very specifically kick your arses.”
- I am really clever for being able to explain all this to you.
Corrollary: “You, on the other hand, are way too stupid to appreciate my genius.”
- I’ve just identified a lot of work that needs to be done but I won’t be the one to do it. Here is who will.
Corrollary: “I will still be taking full credit if you succeed, though. If you fail, always remember: heads don’t roll when the shit hits the fan, it’s assistant heads that roll.”